It’s been exactly two weeks since my “no shopping year” begun. Read all about my resolution of a year of no shopping here. Somehow, I’ve managed to follow my rules to a T so far. Though I must admit, pathetically, it hasn’t been easy. At a mere two weeks in, I’m already struggling. Ridiculous. I know. I almost lost it today. Completely and totally lost it. While I have allowed myself four hall passes to be used throughout the year, I HEAVILY debated using all of them and possibly more today.
First, I found a pair of mules that I had been attempting to hunt down for a few months that were hand embroidered in my size and half off. I didn’t think I had the ability to possibly say no. They were without doubt an item that made my heart sing. I knew how rare they were. However, I delayed purchasing them for a few hours … just to make myself truly think it over and the worst thing happened. They sold out. I was so mad at myself for letting them slip through my fingers. They were everything one of those four hall passes that I’ve allowed myself to have during this challenge are meant for.
As I went to purchase them and discovered that they had sold out, I nearly cried. I had searched for so long for these. It was at this point that I nearly lost it and declared, “Screw it! I’m getting EVERYTHING I want!” It’s funny how emotional missing out on a purchase makes me. At times, it’s like an alternate side of my thought process takes over. Rationale disappears. It’s almost as though missing out on something like that makes me think (just for a few passing moments) that purchasing everything that I’ve thought was adorable has the ability to make up for it. Let me be very clear here. IT DOESN’T FIX A DAMN THING. In fact, if you want reality, missing out on that purchase really isn’t that big of a deal. You can’t miss something you never had in the first place, right?! At least that’s what I’m telling myself tonight. That is all while visualizing someone else sitting wearing my coveted hand embroidered mules because I was to slow to click “add to cart.”Anyway, I was so flustered that I lost all reasoning and immediately began building carts on my phone in an attempt to make up for missing out on the shoes. I added a leopard coat that I’m dying to purchase (the one I have has a collar that I can’t stand), Gucci Princetown Loafers in a glorious brocade with fur, a coat, a few sweater dresses (because they are my favorite thing to wear at the moment), a new pair of Celine sunnies, and a beautiful gray caviar Chanel cardholder. I wanted to hit “Purchase” on it all. I came so close. However, then I remembered that I would have to tell all of you and I would epically fail.
You see, when I’m typically upset, I shop. Somehow, it makes everything right in the world again just for a little while. It’s an escape from reality. I’m vowing to find other activities to help destress me. Today, I think I succeed.
I laced up my black running shoes, cranked up some rap music and hightailed myself away from all cell signal. (Sidetone: The perk of living in the country is that our home has a cell phone booster so we only have cell service inside the walls of our home. Once we leave the yard it vanishes and doesn’t exist for miles.) There’s something about running that’s always centered me…. Regained my consciousness. Running always helped me to work through a problem faster than almost anything can. Today, after a run around the vineyards and down the steep hill to river, upon returning to cell service zone, I began deleting my carts and easily acknowledged that I didn’t really need anything.
It’s a wee bit silly to say BUT I’m proud of myself today. As the woman who is used to purchasing whatever she wants, this is a transition. I’m learning how to shop differently & how to be happy with the glorious closet that I already have. I realized this change is good for me. It’s also validating some of my thoughts. For example, when I do decide I want to spend one of my four hall passes, it will be on something so good I’ll form tears if I miss out on it (much like I did with missing out on those mules). You see, I think I’ve finally realized only the best is worth adding to your closet.